In a world where truth is relative and varies from person to person, what remains absolute is love.
Love makes the world move and it makes life possible on Earth. It may sound nonsense at some point of our time and we may disregard it often, but in the end we know love is all that matters.
There have been plenty of articles written over how it feels to be in love and plenty of movies made, but though love is constant, the essence it brings differs from person to person and is as relative as truth is.
When love hits us we become incapable of staying away from each other for much long a time and when we are away, we keep thinking about a time when there will be no such separation and a time when staying together will become a reality.
And it does happen to most of the couples eventually, but not all. The love stories of people who are in the charge of safeguarding our borders are not among those.
So how it feels to be in love with a soldier who is out there safeguarding our country from any threat? It is a question that not everyone is qualified to answer.
A curious Quoran (not to be confused with Quran) put the question forward to the Quora community hoping to get some insight and the following is what a person answered in response.
She identified herself as someone who is 25 years old and is working in an IT firm and is apparently in love with an army man.
The following is the response of her, which has been kept unedited to retain its originality. Ignore if you come across any error.
When a soldier loves you, you walk like a queen!
Having a boyfriend in Army, well it’s tricky, because if you are saying yes to an Army Officer, you are saying yes to be a part of the Indian Army.
Chivalry: You get loads of it, I mean loads. Right from opening doors for you, to holding your hand, you’ll be made to feel like a princess. My guy opens doors for me, he pulls chair for me, holds my hand when we are walking. His fauji-friends call me ma’am. You’ll be called ma’am, no matter if it’s the Army chief he’ll call you ma’am.
Distance: Yes the distance is hard. He can’t run to me & I can’t run to him for normal day problems. Probably at times, I am not able to reach out to his phone also, because he is sometimes in no network zone, and most of the times he is too busy to pick up calls. Ya the distance is irritating at times, when all you want to do is to run to him and hug him after a long day, but then we know that we signed up for this. So loving him is the easiest thing I could do. And ya we do make up for all the hugs and kisses when we meet 😉
Understanding his job: Well this can be the hardest thing. You might think that you’ll understand it easily. There are days when he can’t tell me where is he going and what he is doing. But you need to understand it. There are days when he can’t talk at all, even after getting network, because he is too busy with his men. You need to understand that he might be called off for duty right in the middle of the night. (Being a duty officer doesn’t at all mean that you can talk the whole night, this was the biggest misconception I had, it means that the next day also he is so tired that he won’t talk!)
Adjusting to the timings: Yes this is hard. I found it hard. I was a late night person, he is a morning person (well he has to be because of his PT and stuff). Sometimes his sleep is more important. Sometimes I get up at 3 am to talk to him. Well obviously he is worth sacrificing my sleep for.
Priorities: My guy tells me “Ik ta mainu vardi pyaari, dooja tera pyaar kudiye”(One thing I love is uniform, second is you, my love). Obviously I come second, but I tell him I am his third priority, first uniform, second his sleep and then me. He has a responsibility of men, who can die for him, so of-course there goes his priority.
Breed apart: Army men are a breed apart. He is perfect from ballrooms to bunkers, he can cook, dance, kill! He can trace his way in a jungle but fails to find directions in malls. He is so used to mountains and going out that whenever we plan a holiday we end up staying in the room more than going out. You change with him so much as well. I have gotten to know so many military lingos, and gotten used to his “bloody”, “josh-type”, “demo-type”, “place type” and “xyz-types”. He is the laziest person I have ever met. I mean he sleeps in seconds. One second he is holding me and talking and next second when I look at him he is asleep. I wonder how he manages in his unit. He is not even scared of his parents but take the name of his CO, he will be on his feet!
Temptations: You need to resist the temptation of being with him. I mean there are days when I miss him like anything, and there are days when he misses me like hell. But you need to keep that in your sub-conscious. If you keep on missing him every moment, you will definitely find your relationship to be hard. Ya people say that there are normal long distance relationships as well, but when you are committed to an army man, it is different. He doesn’t have the liberty to call in sick and catch a flight and visit you!
High Altitudes: These are like the most dreaded periods. Mine is currently posted in high altitude. 3 months and maybe no call. Even if he calls, it’s more like a formal affair, you just get two minutes to talk and you talk about whether he is all right or not, and whether you are alright or not. There is no chitchat, no romance. Because he is calling from satellite phone, or the network is so bad that you end up hanging up. This level of relationship is world apart.
Special Forces: If your guy is into Special Forces, just be contented with a text in a week, which says, “I am alright, how are you”.
There are days when all you want is to run to him, there are days when he is feeling so weak that you need to be his strength (mine calls me his reflection, so you understand how much responsibility it brings). You are his strength, you have to be strong. And being positive is most important. I feel so worried, he is amidst all the insurgency activities, even for a moment I can’t feel negative.
Belief & Trust: I was never a God believer. But now I believe in all the babas, all the superpowers. I do stupid things, superstitions to content myself of his well-being. And trust, well that is the most important part of any relationship. You need to have immense trust in him and vice-versa. I mean with a stretch of days of not being in contact you still need to believe that things are the same. He trusts me immensely and so do I. I will always be committed to him, and never do anything in his absence which he won’t like. I will always be waiting for him. Forever.
Letters: I write letter to him for all his special days. Like his POP, his first unit posting, his high altitude posting, and sometimes just randomly. It is so special and so different.
Life is so different when you are with an Army officer. When we meet it’s totally a different feeling. I literally jump on him and we hug. Indefinable moments, when you hold each other in your arms after such a long time. And when he holds me, I know he is never letting me go. Such is the love. You need to understand that he can’t send you surprises, he can’t pay visits, still holding on for the moment you see him. I am almost into tears now, because this is making me miss him more than anything. (he just called, going for a high altitude posting, imagine!)
Love is not something which can be defined, love is something which can only be felt. For me he is my happy place. I feel homesick for him every moment. I relieve our moments together, and wait for the ones which will come, which he says very soon (even if we are destined to meet after 4–5 months). But trust me time flies, and before you know he is there with you. Even after getting married things don’t change a lot. People say how can you give up your career. But for me being with him, being his support gives me immense pleasure. And then he does small small things which make me fall in love with him again and again. An example, when I am angry as he said when he reached his unit, that he feels like home:
Her response clearly tells how many sacrifices they make for us. It is not only those who are on the borders that make the sacrifices, but those too who are attached to them and we care very less about them.
